I have moments when I feel content and ready to hand over my life to the One who knows best. When has this recently happened to me? Almost every day this weekend. I spend time with people I love. I grow in my Savior's love that He has for me, I pray, I read, I teach; most importantly, I learn.
I learn to love those around me. I begin to notice things within each person that influence me to be my personal best--my #1 self if you will. I have my moments when I am down. Moments when I look in the mirror and the reflection I see is either something I'm ashamed of or it is something I cherish. I don't have His eyes, or His hands but I know of His love.
I felt this way last night. It was a night, FULL of nostalgia and cherished memories of moments when I feel at peace with where I'm at and where I am going in my life. I feel good. I feel happy. Oh, how great it feels to write that and genuinely mean it!! But the best and most endearing part about this is that I know that even after my body begins to turn to soil's one companion, my moments carry on. My children will know of my moments--I'll remind them regularly. They, too, will have their moments which will carry on through the careful watch of Father Time.
And isn't that the whole reason we cohabit this roller coaster? So we can cling to those moments that we experience and share them with others? This is what makes things once weak, stronger.
So have I moments? Yes, I do. Do I foster these moments and yearn to have more? Yes. Will I? Yes. Will you? Sure. The key is vigilance against all odds.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Determining My Race and Losin' Myself
In all honesty, I think I am much closer to being a black person or a latin person than a stark white person. Really, I am much more than an Uh, Oh! Oreo. Why? I can rap. What? I like Eminem songs? I can sing like a big black woman. I can bargin like a latin. And my sense of humor is equivalent to that of an old man. I feel judging eyes reading this facet of my imagination and yet, I am still content being my plain white self.
But you know what? I have no idea why I am even writing about this. And the point is, if I were black or any other minority in my all-american, white, mormon school it wouldn't matter. If it did, I would just accuse everyone of being racist. In the end does it really matter? I mean, shoot, I have friends of all races and all places.
Why do I desire to be another race, you might find yourself asking, well, I feel as if I am in a time vault, locked up forever. I feel as if I am stuck in one place as a single time and that I'll neither ripen or return to the soil. I feel that the answer is not in this pasty complexion. My soul is old but I still feel young. My heart is taken but my brain seeks freedom. In all, I am between a rock and a hard place--as if I am going through my mid-life crisis at 21 years old. I'm not even eligible for my quarter-life crisis!!!
Solution? Live each day of 8 mundane hours of helping others figure out whether or not the fresh mint toothpaste is better than the cool mint toothpaste. The other half of my time is spent being a mediator of one conversation to the next.
Amidst all of this, I find I am so happy. So blessed. I have the body of a 21 year-old and will be forever filled with the gratitude of an aged woman of any race. And for that, I am dizzy in euphoria.
But you know what? I have no idea why I am even writing about this. And the point is, if I were black or any other minority in my all-american, white, mormon school it wouldn't matter. If it did, I would just accuse everyone of being racist. In the end does it really matter? I mean, shoot, I have friends of all races and all places.
Why do I desire to be another race, you might find yourself asking, well, I feel as if I am in a time vault, locked up forever. I feel as if I am stuck in one place as a single time and that I'll neither ripen or return to the soil. I feel that the answer is not in this pasty complexion. My soul is old but I still feel young. My heart is taken but my brain seeks freedom. In all, I am between a rock and a hard place--as if I am going through my mid-life crisis at 21 years old. I'm not even eligible for my quarter-life crisis!!!
Solution? Live each day of 8 mundane hours of helping others figure out whether or not the fresh mint toothpaste is better than the cool mint toothpaste. The other half of my time is spent being a mediator of one conversation to the next.
Amidst all of this, I find I am so happy. So blessed. I have the body of a 21 year-old and will be forever filled with the gratitude of an aged woman of any race. And for that, I am dizzy in euphoria.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Blissful Inconvenience
"You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord, in the most miserable experiences of your life. In the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices; when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have EVER faced." --Jeffery R. Holland
Isn't that an interesting statement? No matter what we go through, we can learn the most personally gratifying things amongst the hell that surrounds us. We know that happiness is a state of mind and attitude but do we really acknowledge that life is often really crappy? It's ok to say that! In fact, it feels good. Try it out.
Life throws many things at you. Often, in times of deep nightmare, it is hard to see the light. And in that tunnel of misery we feel as if we are running through stone or slitting our wrists and doing push ups in saltwater. However, I have come to find that even in these times we can identify with many around us. It is in these moments that we are defined as either pitiful and lonely or bridled towards those who can help.
Suck it up, people. Life is good. Quit complaining about the simple annoyances and remember that opposition is nothing more than an tough situation that soon turns to blissful inconvenience.
"When lonely, cold, hard times come, we have to endure; we have to continue; we have to persist...The Savior has been where you've been--allowing Him to provide for your deliverance and your comfort."--Jeffery R. Holland (Same talk)
Isn't that an interesting statement? No matter what we go through, we can learn the most personally gratifying things amongst the hell that surrounds us. We know that happiness is a state of mind and attitude but do we really acknowledge that life is often really crappy? It's ok to say that! In fact, it feels good. Try it out.
Life throws many things at you. Often, in times of deep nightmare, it is hard to see the light. And in that tunnel of misery we feel as if we are running through stone or slitting our wrists and doing push ups in saltwater. However, I have come to find that even in these times we can identify with many around us. It is in these moments that we are defined as either pitiful and lonely or bridled towards those who can help.
Suck it up, people. Life is good. Quit complaining about the simple annoyances and remember that opposition is nothing more than an tough situation that soon turns to blissful inconvenience.
"When lonely, cold, hard times come, we have to endure; we have to continue; we have to persist...The Savior has been where you've been--allowing Him to provide for your deliverance and your comfort."--Jeffery R. Holland (Same talk)
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