My Plea for the Day

There are many ways that a person can end up in an awkward situation. While I might ramble on for a long period of time, I supposedly only have a short minute on account of the endless amount of tedium that is calling my name and pronouncing it wrong. At any rate, I wish to focus on the following. 1. making jokes about being single to a mom offering his son's availability to a crowd of people and later finding out that her son is someone you work with. 2. Telling someone that you can't stand another over a text and sending it to the latter. 3.Making a habit of gleeking all over the individual you wish to converse with...particularly the opposite sex. 4. Talking to an attractive member of the opposite sex, looking in their direction while walking and running into the door frame or a pole. 5. Laughing while running with a track buddy, tripping over the supposedly non-existant goal post and ending up face down on the asphalt, skidding ten feet. 6. Not knowing someones name (or in my case...knowing their name and EVERYTHING else resulting to potential stalker status). 7. Running excitedly up to someone from behind and realize they aren't who you thought they were--in which case, I suggest you introduce yourself? Get to know them? 8. Jumping into a conversation when you feel it's appropriate only to find out they were talking about something completely different. Ex: their dead uncle Fred. 9. Attempting to shave, slipping, rolling out of the shower and go to the emergency room because you broke your elbow in a way opposite of hardcore. 10. Losing your phone in the "double flushing" toilet, putting your hand down to get it, getting your hand stuck, yelling for your roommates who find you with your pants down, entire arm dripping, angry at water, and stepping over their bodies dying from laughter.

I may or may not have experience with the prior list. That said, I wish to close, wishing you all of the best. Please, from the deepest depths of my soul, avoid these at all cost for fear of being socially rejected and intelligently roasted.

That is all