The Lollipop Guild

The topic I wish to address has significance to all within a close range of my age...well, that is, all those apart from the few "unfortunates" that are still going to a singles ward/branch/twig. We all know you are in your late thirties almost forties tryin' to pick up on fresh meat--still possibly wearing diapers--while you are acquiring a receding hairline.

At any rate! Dating: a word some loathe, others dread, and BYU-Idahoans crave crazier than buffalos crave their mates in matin' season--to that last group: take it easy. Being social is a lot of work. In fact, too much work for many simple-minded people. Nevertheless, I had a thought about dating and I thought I might share it with you.

When it comes to dating--an area I, myself, am not much experienced in--there are important things to remember. First off, it comes in steps. I don't know what those steps are but my southern friend says that over and over so it must be important. Secondly, when you break it off, break it off. There is shame in going back twice...months later...trying to pick up on your ex. it's just a bad and stupid idea. Refrain, young padawans, refrain!

To the girls: give the guys an opening, a freaking chance. Quit being so darn beautiful and intimidating! Maybe try a little swagger and flirtatious smiling while...batting your eyes? (I'm terrible at flirting, by the way so don't even listen to any of this advice...maybe give me some??)

To the guys--if any read this--uh....relax, keep trying, and if you want to ask a girl out, do it. If you get rejected, cry a little (or a lot), watch The Notebook, drink a cup of shut up and try finding someone else. Haha wow, that was harsh...Keep up the good work, pal!...(also, steer clear of hawaiian/dragon shirts and belt buckles the size of your head.)

As for me, well, I figure that I will have to find someone who will appreciate my quirks. I think my taste in a lover exemplifies that of my preferences in food. The other day I ate bacon and peanut butter, weird I know. I also love peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, oreos with cheddar cheese, and tortilla chips dipped in almond bark. All of the prior list, Bizarre much? I agree. I figure that someone with a weird combination will come along and understand that I am just a little bit of a freak of nature with a decent personality.

When that day comes, for all lonesome yet lovely loners remember to express gratitude by frolicking in the poppyseed fields while representing the lollipop guild.