Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hawaiian Punch and World Peace

I realize that I have many characteristics of a small child but one that I don't know if I will ever be willing to give up is the glorious obsession I have of Hawaiian Punch. I recently went to the store and that was at the top of my list. I like to buy the packs for individual bottles. There are few things that bring me to harmony with the inner child and this is the ultimate memory retriever.

When I drink Hawaiian Punch I think of bright red mustaches on all of my best friends and the desperate desire to dress up as a troll with my bright purple hair on end and a big beer belly complete with a delicious gem in place of my umbilical cord scar.

This got me thinking...Trolls were hideous and yet society claimed them as a child's play thing collectively accepting beer bellies. I firmly believe that this is the true reason America has become obese: trolls with over sized belly accessories. I say over sized because if our bodies were proportioned the way theirs were, we would not only be able to walk through doors but take the frames with us along our journey to the next room. Also, if one chose to have a piercing the same ratio as the trolls have on their stomachs one would make the adjustment from walking upright to inch-worming along on account of the added weight . Scientists' minds would explode because the whole theory of evolution would be blown out of the water on account of women (and in some rare cases--men) digressing in the human race from walking to flopping.

How this all came into my head? I have no clue. However, Hawaiian punch should probably be served at any serious function to clear peoples' minds of all misunderstandings regarding obesity and any other serious issue for that matter. Maybe I'll propose that idea to Obama.


Drink Hawaiian Punch and not only reveal the inner child but find solutions to world peace.