Hyperbolic Communication

I say stupid jokes; things that don't makes sense; things that sound weird; things that make people double-take.

"Justine, you missed an episode of Psych tonight."

My response? "Well, I guess that makes me 'Psych'-o! Haha! Get it?!"

Obviously the converser checked out of the conversation...3 and a half minutes ago.

I erupt into what I like to lovingly refer to as my old man version of PeeWee Herman's laugh. It's not a pretty sound. Some girls who laugh sound delicate and polite--cute even. Me? No. I sound like a man who recently encountered a wall of helium and didn't know what else to do aside from laugh. And laugh awkwardly, might I add. It makes people very uncomfortable.

Another problem in my communication:

"How's your day been, Justine?"

"It's been so good. I bought a jamba, read my scriptures and soaked up some Vitamin D *snicker snicker* OH! This one time my mom told me that if you close your eyes while looking at the sun that you'd retain more vitamin d. Look at the size of this apple! So juicy. Also, that guy over there, dang, he's attractive. My foot itches... Do you scratch a foot or do you itch it....etc."

A.D.D, much? Yes. SQUIRREL!! Just kidding...kinda.

Another unnecessary conversational "tool" I use involves talking with my hands: on the phone, in person, in the shower, to myself, you name it..my hands are flappin as much as my gums (which, who came up with that phrase anyway? Gums don't flap). But why? Because if I don't use my hands words don't come...at all. I've tried not using my hands; I've even practiced in the mirror. The result? Exaggerated facial expressions. Talk about humiliating.

So where does this leave me? A hopeless conversationalist. I'm never taken seriously and honestly, I completely understand why.